The scene is this: A group of girls (including myself) meet up for Bibimbab, wine and delicious dessert. Naturally, the conversations drift towards men, and how to approach them. Particularly, because the most talkative girl among us (guess who), had recently found a new ‘project’.
As we talked, I tried to find a nice way to describe why I employ certain tactics at certain times. That was when I began comparing guys-I’m-interested-in, to hamsters.
A few hours later, when I was introducing a different group of friends to my new analogy, I realized that I meant (pet) rabbit.. not hamster.. but I digress. I will continue using the word ‘hamster’ anyways.
First off: The (great) hamster analogy only applies to men who are actually interested in you (or could become interested), and are not confident and open enough to readily accept any advance a girl throws at them. It also assumes that the girl is initiating.
Also, a guy who is ‘like a hamster’ with one girl, might not be with another. It is not a classification of a type of guy (even though my wording can be confusing), but rather, how one specific guy acts towards one girl, as an individual.
If I at 176cm approach a born-and-raised-in-Asia Asian, they might become a hamster-type with me. That same guy might readily accept the advances of an Asian girl (I’m Caucasian) who is 158cm tall. I’m stereotyping here, forgive me.
What I’m saying is: Shy guy ≠ Hamster-type guy. It’s about how ‘threatening’ you appear to him.
Now that all the unimportant stuff have been dealt with.. let me get to the point. When a stranger feeds a hamster (a pet rabbit, actually), they will immediately scurry away the moment they put their hand into the hamster’s cage. Furthermore, the hamster will not start eating before the stranger backs off at least a little bit.
I shall call the cage where the hamster eats and sleeps, ‘the main room’.
When a girl asks a (hamster-type) guy whom she does know, on a date, it is synonymous to barraging into the hamster’s main room. So, the guy’s private area. A hamster-type guy will usually be too taken aback by the sudden ‘attack’, and ‘scurry away’ into hiding. I.e., reject the girl. He might do this, even if he would actually be fine with going on a date with the girl. The sudden intrusion would simply be too intimidating.
Of course, for a girl looking for a relationship, being let into the main room, is the end goal.
So what can a girl do, instead of ‘attacking’ and scaring the poor guy? Just like with real hamsters / pet rabbits, she needs to let the guy get used to her. Instead of trying to put herself into the main room (by asking him out on a date), she can put something that represents her, into the main room.
This can be giving him her number, for example. (With hamsters, this can be a hand, or food.) By doing this, the guy is given the choice to respond or not, and is also given all the time he needs to do so (or not).
It is important to not ask for his number, because that would force the guy to give something of his, to a presence (the girl) outside of his main room. Basically, you are forcing his hand, which makes hamster-type guys uncomfortable. It is much better to give your number to him.
Additionally, you won’t waste your time text-ing a guy who has no interest in you. If only he has your details, and he contacts, you can consider it a green light.
The general theory of everything that comes after him text-ing you, you text-ing back, etcetera etcetera.. is to steadily increase your presence in his main room. Especially if you are slightly eccentric (like me), don’t go 100% you on him. You will just scare him off.
Instead, cater to his needs.
Be random-nice-person & 10% you at the start, and steadily increase the dosage. That way his immunity to you / his comfort around you will rise. Gauging this via text can be difficult for the slightly dense ladies (or gay males) out there, but do your best.
As a general rule: If he stops revealing details about himself, and you have been extremely random-nice-person, then you should increase the dosage of you. Preferably in person, and not via text.
If he stops revealing details about himself, and you have been veeery ‘you’, then you might have to decrease the dosage of you for a while, and just give him some space in general to ‘calm down’.
This is how far I’ve gotten with my analogy so far. I’ll post more, if I think of something.
As a side note: Some guys have a so called ‘front room’, where they meet the guests (the one-night-stands). Not all guys have this, but some do.
While it is possible to get into the main room through the front room, the chances of success are lower. Try to avoid accidentally entering the front room, if casual sex is not your goal.
HOWEVER!! If you have been friend-zoned completely (let’s call this ‘the entrance’), wrestling your way into the front room can be the perfect way to gain access to the main room too.
This is about emphasizing the ‘female’, in your ‘female friend’ relationship. Works best when it wasn’t planned from both sides. If he suggests the one-night-stand, you’re being friends-with-benefits-zoned. Even worse. Don’t do it.
Final comment on this matter: Hamster-type guys can seem like a pain in the ass.. but being granted access into their main room, is usually worth all the work.
As they say, an investment is worth as much as you invest in it. Thankfully, unlike with stocks, with guys we can actually influence the level of realized return we get.